Pain

I wish I can go back in time.
I wish I have a choice to choose it all again.
I will never ever want to cross path with you.
Not because I regret.
But because I cannot forgive myself for all that I have done.

Somedays I will wake up in the middle of the night but I refuse to open my eyes. I keep asking myself is the nightmare over? If I reach across, would I find you there next to me like always?
Then I would convince myself it was a horrible dream. I have learnt my lesson. Tomorrow...
In the morning...
I will open my eyes and my family will be there...
Then I will tell you all about the horrible fear and hurt I felt in my nightmare. You will say I am being silly. Everything will be alright...

How does a person ever stop feeling regret and sadness?

When does it stop?
How does it stop?

There are many times I want to just close my eyes and never open them again. Darkness is like a cinema...I replay my memories over and over.
There...
inside my head, I am home with my family again...
Pam, Lauren, Eirian and Misty.